October 6, 2005 Issue

GRANDPA'S WORDS OF WISDOM

1.Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

2.Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.

3.Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

4. When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts, when they try to decide which one.

5. When a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

6. On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past,†but never the present.

7. A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin, ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

8. The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, when the interest is kept up.

9. Many girls like to marry a military man; he can cook, sew, make beds, is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

10. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

11. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

12. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

13. How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you are?

14. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....
stop and think.†Remember algebra?

15. You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.

16. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

17. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

18. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

19. Old age is when former classmates are so gray, wrinkled, and bald,
†they don't recognize you.

20. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

21. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. But it's really worse when you forget to pull it down.

22. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

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