June 26, 2008 Issue

Wisdom

Women over 50 don't have babiesbecause they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mineconfused her Valium with her birth control pills. She has 14 kids but doesn'treally care.

One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box ofChocolates can make you gain five pounds.

My mind not only wanders, itsometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tightshoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don'tknow what you’re doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougherit is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really goodfriends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along cametoday.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regainconsciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing togetherand setting fire to my knickers.

Amazing!You hangsomething in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes.

Skinny peopleirritate me. Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes Iforget to eat.'” Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, andmy keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.You have to be a special kindof stupid to forget to eat!

The trouble with some women is that they get all excitedabout nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said, “The typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and drivingtoo fast.” Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

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