March 6, 2008 Issue

You might be a Taliban if...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't
afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon
unclean.

5. You think vests come in two styles: bulletproof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in
your clothing.

8. You've felt sensual urges after seeing a woman's exposed
ankle.

9. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other besides setting off roadside bombs.

10. You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave.”

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