August 11, 2005 Issue

Middle East Mystery

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now

No television.
No cheerleaders.
No baseball.
No football.
No basketball.
No hockey.
No golf.
No tailgate parties.
No Home Depot.
No pork BBQ.
No hot dogs.
No burgers.
No lobster.
No shellfish. or even frozen fish sticks.
No gumbo.
No jambalaya.
More than one wife. (Hello, are you crazy?)
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
No chocolate chip cookies.
No Girl Scout cookies.
No Christmas.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is selected by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
Is there any mystery here?

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