April 19, 2007 Issue

LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

•Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

•Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

•Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

•Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

•Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
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•Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

•Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

•Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

•Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

•Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

•Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

•Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

•Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

•Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

•Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

.(Top)