Sept. 4, 2008 Issue

Americans like winners. We’ll tolerate losers and sometimes even embrace them as lovable underdogs. The Chicago Cubs are an example. But we love winners. And one thing we appreciate in competitive events is to have the luxury of knowing who the winners and losers are.

In politics we like for the person with the most votes to be declared the winner. That makes things easier. You would be amazed to know how many registered voters in the state of Florida cannot name our two United States Senators. Do you think those people have a clear understanding of how the Electoral College works?

In battle, not surprisingly, we like to win. You have to go back more than 60 years to find a war that the United States won in a unanimous decision. In our more recent conflicts, we may declare ourselves the winner, but it is usually a bit murky. In spite of the declaration “Mission Accomplished!” and the success of “the Surge” and the budgeting of millions of dollars for a celebration at the end of the Iraq War; don’t be expecting too many victory parades when our soldiers finally come home.

In athletics we like to be able to celebrate with our champions. But first we have to figure out who they are. In the Beijing Olympic Games it was fairly easy to figure out who won in track and field and swimming. Those are sports we can relate to. Except for anything involving the butterfly stroke. Who invented that anyway? Whoever gets to the finish line first - wins. We understand team sports also. Whoever scores the most points - wins.

I have a hard time with some of the more subjective sports. Diving is hard for me to follow. I think whoever makes the least splash on entry into the pool – wins! If I was a judge in synchronized swimming, I would have to choose whoever looked best in a swimsuit. Which may be the criteria for all I know. The cute, young gymnasts sure seem bubbly. But as far as I can tell, the technique that matters most is the quality of the dismount. I couldn’t perform any of the tricks they do on the balance beam, but if you gave me an afternoon of practice, I could leap off of the beam, land on both feet, and…..
“He stuck it!!!” We’ve got a winner.

India got a winner in the Beijing Olympics. Abhinav Bindra won the first Olympic gold medal for his country. He won it in the blistering 10-meter air rifle competition. The contraption that he used bore no resemblance to a Daisy BB gun. It looked like it was locked into a vice that would seem to take the skill out of target shooting. Whatever. Congratulations to Mr. Bindra.

My youngest daughter has been competing on horses since she was six years old.
Horse racing is one of our country’s oldest and most beloved competitions. It is fairly simple. Whichever horse races around the track and gets to the finish line first, without dying in the process, is declared the winner.

Jane did not get involved in that kind of horse competition. She is involved in “Hunter-Jumper” events. Let me say this carefully. This kind of equestrian competition is primarily a mother-daughter thing. Not that I haven’t tried. I just think it is too complicated and technical for most men to understand.

First, there are the different divisions. There are working hunter, green conformation hunter, regular working hunter, amateur owner hunter, small–large junior hunter, small – large pony hunter, small–large green pony hunter, adult amateur hunter, children’s hunter, children’s hunter pony, pre-green hunter, baby green hunter, baby green classic hunter, special hunter 2’6”–2’9”–3’, hopeful hunter, modified amateur hunter, pre-children hunter (which makes me wonder—What is a “pre-child’?), and pre-adult hunter (which makes me wonder—Wouldn’t that be a child?). Keep in mind there is no hunting involved in this competition whatsoever.

Now for the judging. The riders and their horses (I can’t even tell if it is the rider or the horse being judged) are scored on lead line, walk-trot, short stirrup, and of course the long stirrup. There are equitation classes which include over fences under saddle, hunter over fences, number of strides, conformation of horse, correct lead changes, flying and simple changes. Then there is way of moving, even-formal pace, framing of the horse and correct spot to the jump. Whew!

I’ll say one thing. The girls sure look cute in their equestrian outfits.

Americans like winners. And we like to be able to ascertain who the winners are. That is, after all, why we keep score.

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