January 25, 2007 Issue

“Whirl is king.” Aristophanes

Our country is in a state of such confusion it has become increasingly difficult to focus on issues of importance. Our president seems to like it that way.

Consistency, common sense, humility, compassion, reason, honesty and foresight are non-existent in President Bush’s government. Bush is the leader of our country and his Republican Party and he has told us throughout his presidency that he is not only the “decider;” he is the “educator” when it comes to the war in Iraq.

God help us all.

And God help the Republican Party. The party with such strong convictions regarding small government, strong military, pro-business interests, minimal social programs, fiscal conservatism and lower taxes has gone off-message. Way, way off message.

Republicans would have you believe they are the party of business. And they are. They are the protectors of big business. The interests of big business and small business rarely are the same.

They want you to believe they are the party of small, decentralized government. This government is growing by leaps and bounds and is engaging itself in aspects of our personal lives that are unprecedented.

They want you to believe they are the party of a strong military and an effective defense department. They have abused our soldiers and depleted our military strength while at the same time reducing our ability to lead in this chaotic world. We are no longer a country admired throughout the world for our strengths; we are feared and ridiculed and considered the primary threat to world peace.

They are the party for lower taxes. Yeah, right. The only people who believe this are the ultra-rich. And they are correct in regard to their taxes.

They are the party of the religious right and they are superior on all sorts of moral issues. Time after time we have seen they are kinkier than Boy George and Marilyn Manson on a late night romp through a gay bathhouse.

Their leader, Herr Bush, is a man of fluff, not substance. It is as though someone attempted to train him to be a leader, much like Robin Williams tried to teach Nathan Lane to act like a man in The Birdcage. The training failed. At least The Birdcage stayed on message. The Bush administration would have been much more entertaining had Donald Rumsfeld assumed the role of Agador. Dick Cheney has already perfected the nitwit Senator played by Gene Hackman.

Bush is not much of an actor. He can’t play roles and he consistently misses his mark. His timing is as bad as his grammar and he can’t stretch into any character except the one he was born into. He is a charter member of the lucky sperm club.

He is no more of a rancher than Al Sharpton is. The Texans have a phrase for Bush. “All hat and no cattle.” One of those dudes in The Village People would be a more believable cowboy than Bush.

He is a puppet of the oil industry, but he is no oilman himself. Not many people could be staked to a cushy position with an oil company and blow it. But he did.

Ronald Reagan did a great job as a John Wayne knock-off. But not Bush. He swaggers away from the helicopter on the White House lawn with his arms puffed out as though he were a teenage runt after too many bicep curls and bench presses. A swagger can only be pulled off when there is something to swagger about. Bush is swagger less.

I have devised a simple checklist for Bush and his followers to work with for the next two years.

Show less arrogance and practice more humility.
Be less belligerent and show more compassion.
Try to lose the fluff and spin and gain a little substance by telling the truth.
Be less suspicious of Americans and be more vigilant regarding our real enemies.
As a diversion, spend some time on issues like healthcare, education, crime, and poverty.
Consider something, anything other than oil as the energy for our future.
Start tidying up around the White House. The country is going to be in one hell of a mess when you vacate the premises. It would be proper to leave 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the way you found it.

We have a president who is not a leader. A Texan who is neither a rancher nor an oilman. (He’s not really a Texan either). He’s not a decider and he is decidedly not an educator. He’s not a military strategist and he was never a soldier.

Couldn’t he at least have been a decent actor.

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