Stand back, I think I might be on a rant here. Regular readers of my musings know that more than two years ago, I removed all but the most basic cable channels from my home because there simply isn’t much on TV of value. However, I still have about 10 channels that are supposed to provide entertainment. I’m beginning to understand Elvis keeping a gun in the TV room, but as I do not have the wherewithal to keep replacing the set, I’m reduced to the less-than-satisfying revenge of just turning it off.

We all know the major non-cable networks are faring badly against HBO, Showtime and the like, which primarily recycle movies, but also come up with innovative programming. Some would argue the premium channels have an edge on the networks because language used on premium channels is not regulated by the FCC, but that’s just plain wrong and a case of sour grapes and poor imagination.

A show such as HBO’s Six Feet Under uses profanity. However, remove the profanity and you still have a show that is provocative, timely, entertaining, and thought provoking. Without the profanity, this show could be on NBC. Instead NBC is offering summer viewers an insipid show whereby people are competing to be a Hilton. Say what? As if being a Hilton is the be-all and end-all of class.

If you ask me it doesn’t take much breeding or sophistication to raise a child who thinks it’s OK to videotape herself having sex. And one who chooses as her video partner a person so morally bankrupt as to sell the video to make a few bucks after the affair is over. And voila! we have a Hilton who has been seen worldwide with her pants not only down, but off and doing who knows what?

Yep, that’s my goal all right to move in those rarified orbits of a classy family like this. I read in The Week that while dining recently, Paris declared she hated reading and demanded a waiter read the menu to her. That’s class, all right. I wonder how many etiquette sessions it took for her to learn this trick.

Using Andy Warhol’s now famous theory, Paris is fifteen minutes overdrawn.

This whole business of “reality” programming has gotten out of hand. I guess there is a market for it or they would not continue. I confess to having a loss of brain cells because I too got ensnared by one of them. I watch The Apprentice. I’m not proud of it, but it is somehow a notch above the others, or so I tell myself. I don’t watch because of Donald Trump, who slithers around like a sudoiferous snail, but I watch in spite of him. The tasks assigned to the apprentice wannabes are interesting and that’s the part that captured my imagination because I always try to figure out how I would accomplish a task if I had to do it. Perhaps it’s just a massive rationalization on my part, but there it is. To date, I have never seen Jerry Springer, Fear Factor, any of the bachelor/bachelorette things, American Idol, The Contender or any of the too many others. I have actually viewed a segment of Survivor, but I had a very high fever at the time.

The cynic in me says the reason reality shows are everywhere is they are cheaper to produce than actually having to come up with an idea, hire writers and actors and provide real entertainment for the home viewer. The cost of cable is unreasonable given that original programming is sparse. Currently, I use my television primarily to watch DVDs from Netflix. I see Six Feet Under, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Nip/Tuck and all the other made for premium channel offerings. I just don’t see them in real time. On the plus side, I don’t have to watch TV for three months to see an entire season of The Sopranos. I can do it in a week. The $20 a month I spend for Netflix is cheaper than having cable and I get to choose. Now that’s reality.

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