March 8, 2007 Issue

There is something very out of whack in the world when the likes of Anna Nicole Smith (hereinafter to be known as ANS) and Britney Spears (hereafter to be known as BS) continue to dominate the headlines in the midst of staggering domestic problems. What is this national obsession with celebrity — minor celebrity at that?

After all, ANS is famous only for her outsized “assets,” empty head and the ability to con a rich old man with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel to marry her. BS, on the other hand, is almost an American tragedy. Just a few short years ago she was the most famous virgin in the United States, an up and coming singer and the idol of millions of pre-teens. She frolicked and shopped on the Emerald Coast with Justin Timberlake.

Fast forward to a few years of too much money, no education and parents following the money, and you have what you have: A bewildered girl with an underdeveloped brain addled by alcohol and who knows what else, smoking a cig, shaving her head and having two babies in 18 months. Refer to that lack of education and choosing a mate notable for his ability to produce offspring, to understand why two babies in such a short time.

Timberlake, who likewise missed out on much of an education due to his membership and touring schedule with ‘N Sync, has fared much better — in the spotlight for more positive reasons.

I read somewhere recently that most young kids coming up these days have fame as a goal. Pardon me while I show my age, but what the hell does that say about all the so-called family values we are always being beaten about the head with?

In my youth, most kids said they wanted to be doctors, nurses, fire fighters, soldiers, and police officers. In other words, professions that affected the world in a positive way by helping or protecting others. Professions that said, “I care and I can make a difference.”

Even journalists (the real kind, not the TV kind) don’t do it for the money. They do it to keep people informed. In journalism school I would never have envisioned a world with pseudo news shows such as Access Hollywood. Thank God I never thought of Fox News either, but that’s another column.

I suspect some of the attention focused on minor things is a result of multiple 24-hour channels tasked with keeping the public up to date. I maintain this could be done without ever once resorting to the sordid details of ANS or BS. Have these “news” producers never heard of in-depth coverage?

Legitimate news stories are virtually limitless, especially with the resources these stations have to investigate. The layers and layers of legislation we don’t fully understand could be peeled back and exposed, so as voters we have some idea of what our elected leaders are taking us in. Had there been better investigative newsgathering before the invasion of Iraq, we might not be there.

Throw in some feel good feature stories and you got a network. There are lots of people doing good things in large and small ways. Just last week, 60 Minutes profiled this guy who made obscene amounts of money from The Simpsons, and now spends millions rescuing dogs and training them as service dogs for deaf and blind people, He saves the life of a dog, employs people to train and care for the dogs on six acres of land in Malibu, then gives the dog with special skills to someone who needs help. How lovely.

To quote from a terrific movie called The American President, “We have serious problems in this county and we need serious people to solve them.” We do not need to know how many people are claiming to be the father of the baby of ANS or a day-to-day accounting of BS in rehab.

Incidentally, it’s going to take more than 30 days at a revolving door, fashionable, Evian-water-drinking, and maid service rehabilitation center to cure what is wrong with BS. Clearly BS doesn’t want to do it in private, but we don’t have to aid and abet her deconstruction with our frenzied interest either. In five years, nobody will remember her name anyway..

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