You know how it is, you get a new toy and even it is a used toy, you can’t wait to take it out of the box and play with it. So it was that I found myself on a glorious fall morning, sitting outside of Camille’s in Crystal Beach sipping one of those overpriced high octane coffees I love so much, while using my new to me, gently used Mac laptop, which was connected wirelessly to the Internet. Can you say, get a life?

It’s not so much that I can’t be dragged away from my home computer—really I am not one of those— but I had never experienced the wireless thing and the necessary software is already there, so why not kill three birds with one stone: sip some coffee, check out the headlines and write a column? Four stones if you count watching the people riding bikes and walking up the down the street, chatting and taking in the first light of the day. The absence of traffic made it easy to hear the good music emanating from inside the cafÈ and I was enjoying myself while getting work done. A win-win scenario by my calculations.

On the subject of coffee, just when did the Teutonic plates shift to the extent that coffee is now more expensive than an alcoholic drink, cigarettes, or, for that matter, those substances the government keeps insisting are gateways to heroin use? Oh well, that’s a query for another day.

The reason for the purchase of the laptop wasn’t simply because it was available, and I could buy it, but it seemed like a prudent thing to have during hurricane season. True, this season of whirlygals and whirlyguys is almost over, but there is always next year. During my evacuation for Dennis, I went to a Kinko’s and spent too much money renting one of their Macs so I could get some needed work done. OK—you got me—renting the Kinko’s machine is cheaper, but what if I evacuate to some place where there isn’t a Kinko’s? Virtually every motel and hotel these days offers up at least dial-up Internet service, and being able to take my working disks on the road is an invaluable tool.

Oh, all right, stop laughing. I got it because I wanted it. Happy? I am. I will put it to good use. For one thing I’m planning a trip to Seattle to see the city and Breanne Boland during the paper’s annual hiatus in January. I heard you can’t get off the plane without a laptop in Seattle, and I’d hate to spend my entire vacation in the airport, ‘cause I hear it’s a happening city. I’m not sure I’ll be able to make the adjustment of being cradled in the arms of thousands of liberals, but it will be a welcome change of pace.

Speaking of changes of pace, there are some phrases I think need to be retired. I am so tired of hearing “step up to the plate” I could scream. The only people that step up to the plate are those playing softball and baseball. The rest of us forge ahead, or take responsibility or demonstrate leadership qualities. We ain’t stepping up to the plate, unless said plate is on a table loaded with food.

While we’re at it, let’s start thinking inside the box again. It’s cozy in here and serial killers think outside the box, and you don’t want to be allied with them, do you?

My final comment is a big hats off to the “rowdy sea lions” in Newport, Calif. who are taking back their habitat by attacking the luxurious craft of the wealthy that are moored there. According to a report I heard on NPR (where else would you hear something like this?) a gang of 18 sea lions, weighing between 200 and 800 pounds each have taken over the harbor. They bark all night, keeping people awake and a number of them have jumped on boats causing them to sink. A few have been bold enough to actually attack a few humans. As law protects the critters, there’s not much boat owners can do. While I don’t think people who can afford boats should be punished, you’ve got to admit, this is hilarious. The NPR reporter said the sea lions have left a “wanton trail of destruction” in the marina—activity usually reserved for humans.

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