September 8, 2005 Issue

Male and Female Definitions

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...Any part under a car's hood.
Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female..The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female..An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

And...

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . .How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

She said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
He said . . . They already have boyfriends.

She said. . What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.

Finally…

He said . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

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