How To Make Holiday Cookies
December 18, 2003 Issue

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Preparations:
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour
one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of
butter in a large fluffy bowl. Sample the Cuervo again just for good
measure.

Add one teaspoon of sugar... beat again. At this point
it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still okay so try another cup—just in
case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the
turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet! Check
the Jose Cuervo one more time. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink, whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

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